I "design" my life?!

I had a few to drink tonight. Danny let me try "Monarch" shiraz tonight and it is very smooth after taste. Too smooth even, I did not believe it was produce in Australia. I am probably not fit to do my assignment tonight, after all that...

Now, I am thinking...(half sober?!) that I "design" my life. I almost could be anyone I want if I put my effort into it.  If I want to be sophisticated, I will learn to be sophisticated and make myself look sophisticated. If I want to be knowledgeable, I will learn to be knowledgeable and make myself become knowledgeable. I am in a process of designing my life now. It is probably late but I will make sure it works for me. I must say I have been a bit frantic of the changes but like I said, life must go on. 

I am so lucky that I have given the chance and freedom to do what I need to do as a teen and not to worry about anything else, ie. money and responsibilities. My dad told me when I was 18 that I could basically do anything I want if I put my heart to it. I did not have to worry about money, I do not have to worry about bringing money home supporting my family, etc. I basically put myself out there and had fun for many years. That was why I gave up all of that when my family wants me to take up some responsibilities of my life as I grew older. I thought to myself, it is time for my siblings to do the same. Unfortunate to say, they never did.

See? i should have done all of this struggle hard for my career and building up my life theory when I was young. Maybe, just maybe I do not have to "suffer" as much. I am not "suffering" really, I am just living the life not 100% what I imagine or want to be. I guess, it is never too late to remedy it, hey? Just as long as I put my heart to it! (wink)

There is so much I want to blog about but when you come down to really type them out, you just do not know where to start.  Danny was right, I should be relaxing and lean back to enjoy my life in stead of struggling hard to fight to the top. I guess I am greedy and yet I am unhappy. 

One will never be happy... . 

Hmm...C'est la vie de merd! - is all I can say for now...

Cheers!